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30 August 2011 @ 10:55 pm
heart, we will forget him!  
Heart, we will forget him!
erik/charles (x-men: first class). 552 words. pg-13. did you know, murmurs charles pensively, lying on his stomach with his head pillowed on his arms, making love is the most painful thing in the world.



HEART, we will forget him!
You and I, to-night!
You may forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light.

When you have done, pray tell me,
That I my thoughts may dim;
Haste! lest while you’re lagging,
I may remember him!

- Emily Dickinson


Did you know, murmurs Charles pensively, lying on his stomach with his head pillowed on his arms, Making love is the most painful thing in the world.

Despite his better judgment, Erik answers him. Why do you say so?

Because it happens so very rarely. Because sometimes you don't recognize it until the moment is gone and then you're left reaching for something you can never reclaim again. Because everything else suddenly seems insignificant in comparison. Because you will continue to seek it out when you already know it will hurt. Because it can change the very core of you. Because it does, and to allow yourself to surrender completely to that kind of power, the kind you cannot control, is frightening. It will eat away at your heart, you know, until you're utterly consumed and all the better for it.

This is all said in quiet, measured breaths, lips barely moving so that it might as well have been telepathic.

You speak from personal experience, then.

Charles smiles ruefully. Sometimes I wonder.

Erik looks away then, but he can feel Charles' gaze still following him like a shadow. There is a conversation they are having here, and one that they are not. Both unsettle him, so he closes his eyes and says nothing in response, keeping his mind carefully blank in case Charles wanders, but Charles seems equally cautious about not prying; perhaps answers are not what he seeks from Erik tonight.

But if not answers, then what?

After a few moments of silence, he feels the mattress shift and the bedsprings creak as Charles slips out of the bed, hissing as his toes touch the cold wood flooring. Erik does not bother to feign sleep as he watches Charles, silhouetted by moonlight, looking almost like an ethereal, alien creature as he casts about gracefully for his discarded clothes, gathering them into a crumpled ball against his stomach.

The light cuts a sharp, curving crescent where jaw meets neck and Erik can almost make out the map of purple stains he left on Charles' pale throat not half an hour ago, like a cartographer claiming a new world for himself. Briefly, he wonders whether he has crossed a line, trespassed into territory that had not been his to conquer.

Charles does not dress before crossing to the door, his clothes now tucked neatly in a bundle under his arm. Whatever his other English sensibilities, the shame of being caught in the act of leaving Erik's bedroom with his sins written all over his naked body does not appear to be one of them. His breath hitches for a moment and Erik can almost feel the warmth from Charles' hand seeping into the cast iron door handle as he pauses, whether out of hesitation or something else.

Good night, Erik. Sleep well. A whisper from both mind and mouth that fills the entire room.

He does not wait for a response before slipping out.

Then it's fortunate, Erik thinks bitterly once the heavy oak door clicks shut again, that he can never be the one to cause Charles such exquisite pain.

notes.
▩ I forgot I wrote this tiny thing ages ago and never posted it to LJ, oops. I couldn't sleep, so I wrote stupid boys being unable to deal with their stupid feelings.
▩ Writing/posting stream has and will continue to slow down now that school is back in full swing, unfortunately. :c I've a few big-ish projects in the works and signed up as a mixer for inception_bang & xmenbigbang though, so hopefully there will be some quality coming soon.
▩ I have an AO3 account now! Sometimes there will be stories that haven't shown up in my fic journal yet. :x
▩ Thank you for reading! We should be friends. ♥
 
 
 
Mae: quill bloodazryal on August 31st, 2011 03:20 am (UTC)
Oh.....ouch.....my heart....

Mae
my hat is deep & full of magic.chezvous on September 4th, 2011 05:02 am (UTC)
Oh, aww ;w;♥ /patches it back together
Preocupied with a rubber chewy  bone: XMFC charles/eric2krisomniac on August 31st, 2011 03:28 am (UTC)
ohhhhh, my.

Lovely imagery and sound, yes.
my hat is deep & full of magic.: james • all things bright.chezvous on September 4th, 2011 05:02 am (UTC)
Thank you. ♥
bringing the party to youscintillulae on August 31st, 2011 03:31 am (UTC)
aaargh why do you do this to me. ;3; ♥

ooh, and I look forward to your bigbang projects.
my hat is deep & full of magic.: ricki • love without complications.chezvous on September 4th, 2011 05:03 am (UTC)
Because I take pleasure in making everyone suffer, apparently. ;w;♥

ME TOO! Woe to the person who gets me, though ahaha;lskdjf
Forelyseforelyse on August 31st, 2011 03:34 am (UTC)
Wonderful fic. And I *heart* you forever for using that Dickinson poem (it's my favorite)!
my hat is deep & full of magic.: river • our lady of grace.chezvous on September 4th, 2011 05:04 am (UTC)
Thank you! ♥ And I'm so glad! I am woefully ignorant of poetry in general, but I grew up with Dickinson.
(Deleted comment)
my hat is deep & full of magic.: robbie • meet me at the barricade.chezvous on September 4th, 2011 05:04 am (UTC)
NOPE
Laury: EamesxArthurlaury_kos on September 3rd, 2011 08:05 am (UTC)
;___; omg!
</3
my hat is deep & full of magic.: charles • stories of the gentle fall.chezvous on September 4th, 2011 05:05 am (UTC)
;____;♥
rubynye: Bull-Leaper (by Baranduin)rubynye on September 4th, 2011 04:21 am (UTC)
Oooh, nicely done! This is like 90% dark chocolate with cayenne added, rich and deeply bittersweet with a sparking, stinging aftertaste.
my hat is deep & full of magic.: charles&erik • still i need your sway.chezvous on September 4th, 2011 05:06 am (UTC)
Oh wow, what a gorgeously-worded (and very tasty) compliment ;alskdjf thank you so much. ♥♥♥
the boy who would be king: first class ;; but we do notchrysanthemums on September 4th, 2011 06:20 am (UTC)
The light cuts a sharp, curving crescent where jaw meets neck and Erik can almost make out the map of purple stains he left on Charles' pale throat not half an hour ago, like a cartographer claiming a new world for himself. Briefly, he wonders whether he has crossed a line, trespassed into territory that had not been his to conquer.

this is like music to me. ughhh. This is amazing, babe.
my hat is deep & full of magic.: donna • you know you're my saving grace.chezvous on September 4th, 2011 06:26 am (UTC)
Thank youuuu, my darling. ♥♥ You are always way too kind to me. ;u;